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The Gynotician's Glossary

Gynotician Definition

  1. Abortion—Nope.
  2. Birth Control—A form of abortion, i.e. never ok without prior Gynotician permission.
  3. Gateway Sexual Activity—Unclear. Eye-contact, holding hands, hugging, kissing.
  4. Legitimate Rape—When a woman is actually raped but doesn’t get pregnant because the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.
  5. Mandatory Ultrasounds—Any woman choosing to end her pregnancy should be subject to shaming. Therefore, they must undergo a government-mandated ultrasound, and when possible, must have the image placed in her line of sight and a state-mandated script read to her. Even if she’s the victim of rape, this is all a part of a “woman’s right to know.”
  6. Mandatory Waiting Periods—Because women need time to think about the health care decision they have already made, women must sometimes wait up to 72 hours to receive health care (weekends don’t count—it’s a scientific fact that ladies’ brains stop working).
  7. Personhood—Anyone who deserves full legal protections, like an adult male or fertilized egg.
  8. Telemedicine—No. Because rural women don’t deserve health care if they can’t drive hundreds of miles to get it.
  9. TRAP—The name says it all. Targeted restrictions on abortion providers designed to close them down rather than to make them safer for women. Ex. Specific, down-to-the-inch dimensions for exam rooms, hallways and janitors’ closets, and medically unnecessary requirements for doctors.
  10. Women’s Health—Yuck. See also: Optional


Tell these Gynoticians to leave women’s health up to the real experts –women and their doctors. Period.

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